My feelings don't fly

I didn't sleep much last night. Not because I had a fussy baby, or a class I had to teach in the morning, or even a run with a buddy. I didn't sleep much because I set a goal and I was so antsy that I wasn't going to "make" my goal a reality. Every week I tell myself that Wed morning I am going to get up at 4:30 am and get to the 5:30 am session. I've met it a few times but normally fall short. I try not to beat myself up too much considering I rarely get to bed before 1 am (I know its terrible). This week I was determined! So in my determination I woke up at 1 am...2am...sat straight up and gasped at 3 am...wrestled the night ninja at 4 am...and finally got up at 4:30 am. I met my goal and made it, and early to boot!

It was a smaller session which is quite rare, normally it is packed. There were only a handful of women there and I was so happy I was one of them. Unless you have been there I can't really describe the feelings that exist in that beautiful building. I normally don't share much about my religion, I don't want to sound preachy or silly but the truth is, its my life and I love it. I'd be lying if I said I was alert the whole time and didn't nod off from time to time (it was unusually warm in there today) I really try to be as focused as possible but since I was going on little to no sleep it was more of a struggle.

My favorite part is the end and the incredible room we get to ponder and feel the spirit in. I was reminded how grateful and blessed I truly am which brought a steady stream down my face. Then I was reminded of a few people in my life who lives are torn, broken, and need picking up. I can't help but wish I was better at picking up and helping them realize how much different their lives would be if they would just let him in.

At this point I was crnorting (crying so hard you shake and snort). A kind brave old man got up from his chair and sat down right next to me. Super sincere he asked if he could help me. I was taken back. I wasn't sure what to say to him so I said, "no I don't think so". He asked again, are you sure? Honestly I wanted to tell him what I was feeling and how sad I was for my friends, but I'm me, and my feelings don't fly, I hold them tight and deal with them alone. He left. I stayed. I probably should have tracked him down thanked him for caring and asked him for help, but I didn't. I know I won't get the opportunity to see him again, but I hope he knows how much I appreciate his kindness. I will never forget it. Maybe next time I be brave like him to someone else, or maybe even let my feelings fly.

I am so glad I made it. I am super grateful I live so close. I am also grateful for nap times and school because I'm nodding as we speak...nappy time for me!